My battle...

I stood face to face... looking the devil in the eye, so close I even noticed wrinkles....
I saw Him wink, saw the smile and twistedness from His eyes....
I was so close I could smell the cologne, saw the cuflinks, the label on the shirt....
I was so close I saw grey in his hair....
So close I could hear every beat of His heart....
So close the very hairs on my body stood to their end.....
So close I felt cold and shivered, wind blew through my hair...
never had I felt this way before...
I had such anger, such hatred, confusion and pain.....
Teary eyed I looked right back, didnt want to show I was scared, My Palms sweaty, so hard to swallow, could hear my saliva going down my throat...
I had goosebumps, felt like I was in snow with nothing on...
I thought to myself, dont you dare cry, this is not the time, tears dont fail me now....
God I cant do this by myself, this is too heavy on me...
Was this how Jesus felt when He carried the cross, It is heavy, I'm numb, I'm tired, I dont have any more strength left... if it possible take this away from me... I wont make it...
I sweated blood, I saw things, I heard voices, I felt things I never thought possible... where do I run, this is above me.. this is supernatural....
I started doubting Where were you God when I needed you the most... Everyone laughed at me saying "where is Her God now"... My temperature below 0 degrees. really cant feel anythign anymore...
I knew you were there all along, just didnt feel you God... I just needed a hug a kiss on my forehead, a voice to tell me it was going to be okay.... I needed the warmth, needed to feel you.... Why didnt I realise then that you would never let me down...
He's gone now, I can feel the sun shine once again, I can see you're still in control...
Finally I see the sunrise, I see the horizon...
I'm stronger now, I made it, I'm not ashamed, I stood when a thousand fell at my feet, 10 000 on my right, I stood in the midst of it all...
In the shadow of death I stood, in the still waters I was led....
Should have known you had my back all along....
My battle is over now, I realise I was being made stronger, You were building my character... This battle is over...