Dreamer...

I can’t see the light and my future is not looking very bright…
I’m married to a cause, a cause of all my pain, my sufferings…
Feel like I’m losing this battle, stuck in cement…

I can’t move, I can’t find my voice… Slowly I’m disappearing; I can see ME reaching out to ME, the hand is held out but I can’t pull ME, cant pull ME through and slowly I AM fading away…
My efforts are too little too late…

Maybe I’ve got to wake up, smell the coffee, and smell the roses too…
GOD I feel like I’ve let you down, like I’m not living my purpose, not fulfilling my mandate, my gifting and talents are just sitting in a corner collecting dust… and I’m suffering…
Wish I could scream at times, cry! Whatever it takes... maybe take a long walk to nowhere like Kgoabane in Hopeville (ha-ha)…

What lead me to this point? Where AM I? Where AM I going to...?
I can’t see the light and my future is not looking very bright, I’m just a Dreamer… maybe never to wake up from this nightmare…

I’m just a dreamer, I’m just a believer and life is passing me by…
Feel like my hands are tied, my feet too... Because I cant seem to move… I can remember 2002, thought my dreams were coming thru, that maybe I could live the life I’ve always envisioned... but then I lost it, everything I thought I had I didn’t have, my world broke like glass into pieces I’ve never been able to put together… Now I sit with this void, this empty space that won’t fill no matter what I do, too scared, too scarred to try again… Too little, too late…

Feel I’m just a “has been” that never was… just a dreamer…
Yes... I can’t see the light, and my future is not looking too bright… But I’m still a dreamer; I’m a Big Believer…


Perhaps it is fear… my girl “Tiisetso” says “we don’t know what fear is” I agree but what I know is that my fear has kept me paralyzed, feel like I’m in a coma and the only thing that is keeping me alive are these machines plugged on the wall… I need to wake up, need a defining moment; maybe I need to see a burning bush like Moses, have an epiphany….
I’m not giving up yet…

I can see the light; my future is bright…

Because I’m a dreamer, I’m a BIG Believer…