today i died… when my mom got that dreaded call, a part of me died. when the phone rang i knew already something was wrong, the planets way of preparing me i suppose. it sucks really, it's like we are fighting against life, but it's a battle you know already you are going to lose at some stage, death always wins. whats the point really, of fighting, fighting when you know that when you reach Round 12, you will lose, that medal is not yours, that belt doesn't belong you, death must really be a heavyweight how else can you remain light when you have stolen so many precious souls. i wish i could erase this day, cut off the page that reads 08 November 2013, burn the piece of paper with that date and make sure there is no trace or proof it ever existed. Cousin, you shared more than our house, our childhood, you shared my heart, and when i heard of your passing, it opened up old wounds, all the people that i cared about that have passed on, felt like i was going through that moment again, felt like the pain i thought i had forgotten was being relieved through your passing, death doesn't announce it just rocks up and takes whatever it wants, selfish to the core, although it happens every single day, no one can get used to it. life sometimes i feel was a trap, like we had no positive way out, how else would you explain a child born in Somalia

, born to die with no hope or chance of survival, no food, no water, no shade. Cuz your death has forced issues out of my heart, things i keep suppressed and never want to question because i guess it makes sleeping at night easier, but yesterday was difficult, last night was hard, tried my best to be strong and yet my weakness exposed me. you are loved, you will always be loved, i feel betrayed because death went and stole you from my future, all my dreams had you in them, you were always featured. you had the unique ability and talent to make everyone laugh, to forget their problems even when your own were weighing heavily on you, you made everyone feel welcomed, you always brought the family together through your jokes, of course we had our differences, of course you made mistakes, but i had your blood in my veins you had mine, and so in my eyes i looked at you through rose colored lenses, perfect and beautiful, that is how i choose to remember you and that is how i choose to talk about you in future when we tell the future generations of you, i vow to never let your memory be forgotten. i love you, i loved you, i will always love you cuz...