Love me or hate me..

Love me or hate me I'm here to stay... love me or hate me I never did you wrong.... you love what you don't have and hate the very thing you possess, is it because you cant stand to look at yourself in the mirror that you decide to judge me, you judge me for the sin you cant seem to forgive yourself for... your insecurities have gotten the better of you or the worst... your childhood, that dreadful past is finally catching up with you... love me or hate me I have nuthin against you, i don't even know you but you sit there and say "I don't know her but I just don't like her" or maybe "I don't like her she looked at my man like she wanted him" nigga please, get with the programme, your insecurities are playing with you... I most probably wasn't even looking but he'... my beauty is seen as a threat.... but that aint my problem, I was born this way... Love me or hate me I'm still me and I'm here to stay.... stare at me if you want, lie about me, hate me if you want what's the worst you can do... Love me or hate me really I'm here to stay....

My other.....

Since the beginning we were and till the end of time we will. I walk not alone, I walk with another soul, in my distress He carries me, In my sorrow He lifts me up, in my pride He humbles me. In my shame He glorifies me. He is... We walk in pairs, so close and so perfect, like a person and his shadow. He is my reflection, I cannot hate him because that would be hating myself, What He is I am and what He's not I still am. I inhale, He exhales, I close my eyes, He sees, I move He moves. Why you may ask because he is my reflection. In his weakness I am strong, When He falls I'll carry Him through, In his downfall I'll lift Him Up. Intertwined we are, like a rope, It's Him, God and I the trinity completed. I know now I never walked alone, nor do I walk alone now, We are woven together for all eternity, I'm his "Yin" He's my "Yang", For How can you know what white is if there was no black I would not be complete! How else would I know what imperfection is if only perfection existed? Slowly He is rising like the Phoenix from the ashes for there can only be one of him in a lifetime for each and everyone of us. I feel Him, I see him, a structure forming infront of my very eyes, The full picture to be presented when it is ready, for nothing rushed does anyone any good, anything taken from its process prematurely before maturity cannot fully function, it's useless for you never gave it time to morph, shape and cocoon itself out. Love is not rushed, it is waited for with patience.... Alas I wait with patience.....

Still I stand....

Here I am standing on the sand at the shore, barefeet and still....
Everything else seems to be moving around me yet still I stand, move do something but dont just stand there....
morning, night, in rain and in heat here I am standing, I cant feel anymore, I'm numb....
The sea brings out all kinds of thingz and takes it right back in but there I am standing, I cant move. all is moving and there I am standing...
Storms and all are passing me by, how can i not feel, How can I not care... How can I just stand here all calm when storms are coming my way.....
The waves are getting bigger, I can smell the sea water, the sky is getting darker and getting angrier, lightning and thunder, so violent.... and yet there I am standing! standing! move! do something! are you even alive???.... is this the after life??? Could this be what death feels like??? The sky will clear, the sky will smile again, the birds will glide by and sing, waves will be calmer and Still there I will stand.....
Still I stand....

not again...

I walked on by, passed him on the pavement starring at me at The Zone Rosebank... you can see dude has been putting some serious effort tryin' to look cool, shades on, car keys in one hand {so many keys though I mean really, I could mistake you for a warden}, wallet on the other... could have just let me pass in peace but no had u to make a "cool" statement" "ur butiful" He said to which I replied "Thanks" with a smile... Beauty was what God had in mind when He made you, such beauty is rare, could put you on a pedestal and just stare all day if I had to! I will not say the rest but m sure you get the picture.... smile gone from my face and disappointed. Dude why? could have just stopped at the 1st comment. mannn sometimes less is more why you had to go and put your foot in it with such pick up lines.... I mean really could have just said Hi and if you saw me smiling ask if you can take me halfway but nooo had to go and sssound like a serial killer Ananias Mathe.... of cos I'm going to say No by the way how many galz have fallen victim if any.....
I'm a woman who knows that she's beautiful, what I'm looking for is someone who understands there is more to me than just my beauty, so what??? you gave me a compliment do I owe you or something, dont mean you have to tell me stories about how arrogant I am, I mean really. word of advice next time you decide to be on a stake out put on some sun block if you going to stand in the sun outside parking at a mall dont you have friends. is this a hobby to you??? I'm not some teeny bopper lying about her age at a mall. I'm a woman and all I want is some respect and intelligence if you dont think you can provide that then move on and by the way stop flashing your wallet at me I can afford my lifestyle. most probably has credit cards from 4 different banks and no real money. look cut this passage short - man please respect us, just because you told me I'm butful dont mean I'm gonna get wit u.... then plzzz dont describe how my body looks like and how it makes you feel, it's disgusting and perverted and last most things happen by chance you dont leave the house and go on a stake out and expect that you'll find a chick nigga plzzzz.... This is 2009 I'm a woman who understands her worth and knows what she wants and it's mos def not Mr I'm so cool you need me more than I need you in your life.... eeesh

heart

worlds apart.... mountains, rivers, roads apart... it hurts to be apart from you because all I want to do is be with you....
Funny thing this is, it creeps up when you least expect it.... we friends right??? wrong! we were playing a game from the beginning, the attraction was there from day one should have walked away then no we had to stay knew one of us was bound to get hurt... but why me? why now? why you? it's sad you'll never know... feel like Seth in "city of angels" I get to see your world but you'll never know mine.... because we're friends I get to know about your world and because I've fallen I cant tell you about mine...
I guess you'll never know I fear no guy and dont have a problem telling it like it is but I realise with you I stand a lot to loose and therefore I fear you... I hide in the knowledge that you'll never know... maybe this is better, these worlds between us, these meandering streams and deep valleys, high mountains and unreachable skies because then we are both invisible to each other... sometimes knowing we are under the same sky, watching the same moon at night, same stars is too much
till forever it is you'll never know...
my bleeding heart, my pain and the aching... I'm inlove, I've never met anyone like you before, you're sweet, gentle, make me smile, you make me believe there are still good guys out there... make me have faith in humankind again... In my heart, in my mind we are together.. you are my everything... my friend, my strength, my protection, my all....

My battle...

I stood face to face... looking the devil in the eye, so close I even noticed wrinkles....
I saw Him wink, saw the smile and twistedness from His eyes....
I was so close I could smell the cologne, saw the cuflinks, the label on the shirt....
I was so close I saw grey in his hair....
So close I could hear every beat of His heart....
So close the very hairs on my body stood to their end.....
So close I felt cold and shivered, wind blew through my hair...
never had I felt this way before...
I had such anger, such hatred, confusion and pain.....
Teary eyed I looked right back, didnt want to show I was scared, My Palms sweaty, so hard to swallow, could hear my saliva going down my throat...
I had goosebumps, felt like I was in snow with nothing on...
I thought to myself, dont you dare cry, this is not the time, tears dont fail me now....
God I cant do this by myself, this is too heavy on me...
Was this how Jesus felt when He carried the cross, It is heavy, I'm numb, I'm tired, I dont have any more strength left... if it possible take this away from me... I wont make it...
I sweated blood, I saw things, I heard voices, I felt things I never thought possible... where do I run, this is above me.. this is supernatural....
I started doubting Where were you God when I needed you the most... Everyone laughed at me saying "where is Her God now"... My temperature below 0 degrees. really cant feel anythign anymore...
I knew you were there all along, just didnt feel you God... I just needed a hug a kiss on my forehead, a voice to tell me it was going to be okay.... I needed the warmth, needed to feel you.... Why didnt I realise then that you would never let me down...
He's gone now, I can feel the sun shine once again, I can see you're still in control...
Finally I see the sunrise, I see the horizon...
I'm stronger now, I made it, I'm not ashamed, I stood when a thousand fell at my feet, 10 000 on my right, I stood in the midst of it all...
In the shadow of death I stood, in the still waters I was led....
Should have known you had my back all along....
My battle is over now, I realise I was being made stronger, You were building my character... This battle is over...

Up here...

This is where I stand high above a rock, hanging on the cliff... Wind blowing through my hair, can hardly see anything down below... Up here it is heaven, up here I am one with God, Up here nothing can touch me, Up here I sit on the same level with eagles... All geared up I'm ready to fly, I want to be one with the sky, the sky is the limit...
Up here my thoughts turn into words, my words form situations... Up here I see the future, clear and beautiful as it was meant to be... Up here everything is clear, everything is sunny... Up here I conversate with God and the answers are crystal clear... Up here I'm in the counsel of angels, we sit and discuss secrets of heaven... Up here I am a creator, I create situations, I create life.... Up here all things are possible... Up here life is as it was meant to be... there are no impostors, no back stabbers, no lies, no pretenders, no haters... life is just good.. Up here everything is pure..
Up here The trinity and I are one and I am one with the Trinity... "whoever curses me, curses the trinity and whoever blesses me blesses the trinity" "whoever harms me, harms the trinity".. I walk with God in secret places, places known by the Most High, you would have to stand on the cliff to see it... wish I could show you what I see... clear blue skies, clear perfect sound, I see visions no 50/50... wow it is beautiful, I'm humbled...
God now I can see that all along you were building my character, you were taking away from me all that is not you... you've been in control all along, preparing me for such a time as this.... I stand High Up above in the counsel of the Most High... Up here dreams become reality... Up here there is no fear... Up here there is perfect love...