today i died… when my mom got that dreaded call, a part of me died. when the phone rang i knew already something was wrong, the planets way of preparing me i suppose. it sucks really, it's like we are fighting against life, but it's a battle you know already you are going to lose at some stage, death always wins. whats the point really, of fighting, fighting when you know that when you reach Round 12, you will lose, that medal is not yours, that belt doesn't belong you, death must really be a heavyweight how else can you remain light when you have stolen so many precious souls. i wish i could erase this day, cut off the page that reads 08 November 2013, burn the piece of paper with that date and make sure there is no trace or proof it ever existed. Cousin, you shared more than our house, our childhood, you shared my heart, and when i heard of your passing, it opened up old wounds, all the people that i cared about that have passed on, felt like i was going through that moment again, felt like the pain i thought i had forgotten was being relieved through your passing, death doesn't announce it just rocks up and takes whatever it wants, selfish to the core, although it happens every single day, no one can get used to it. life sometimes i feel was a trap, like we had no positive way out, how else would you explain a child born in Somalia

, born to die with no hope or chance of survival, no food, no water, no shade. Cuz your death has forced issues out of my heart, things i keep suppressed and never want to question because i guess it makes sleeping at night easier, but yesterday was difficult, last night was hard, tried my best to be strong and yet my weakness exposed me. you are loved, you will always be loved, i feel betrayed because death went and stole you from my future, all my dreams had you in them, you were always featured. you had the unique ability and talent to make everyone laugh, to forget their problems even when your own were weighing heavily on you, you made everyone feel welcomed, you always brought the family together through your jokes, of course we had our differences, of course you made mistakes, but i had your blood in my veins you had mine, and so in my eyes i looked at you through rose colored lenses, perfect and beautiful, that is how i choose to remember you and that is how i choose to talk about you in future when we tell the future generations of you, i vow to never let your memory be forgotten. i love you, i loved you, i will always love you cuz...

23/10/2013 will ways be a day I remember as "the universe" communicating with me, filled with all kinds of coincidences and what I would call "orchestrated meetings… woke up in the morning and headed straight to training and that’s when it started… The module is on the 3 dimensions of time and how they affect us, and how it is possible to get stuck in one of the dimensions (not literally of course, but all has to do with the mind), I then thought about this long and hard and thought back to my own life, I saw a lot things that had happened were too much of a coincidence to be a "coincidence". Cut back to today again, left the training headed for SandtonCity, where I was meeting with the girls for a movie, and we were to watch a new movie called "About time", got there, had lots of fun and there were a few "pre movie" things to do for ladies, I walked in and felt in sync with the universe, like we were moving to the rhythm of mother nature, I knew this is where I was meant to be and nowhere else. The part that sort of raised my eyebrows was the movie itself, see the movie is about a guy born in a family of "time travellers", people who can go back in time and change things, get "another chance" so to speak, and he gets to re-live a lot of moments and change them as he pleases, and in the process affecting the outcome of his future. So then time affects everything, it is not a coincidence that I get to watch this movie now when I have started questioning a lot of things that happen and exist, the module at work… Ever heard someone say " I was almost involved in an accident, and had I been there a few seconds earlier or later that would have been me in that accident" or what about you arriving at a place and then run into someone who changes your life forever? What about you calling a friend at the exact moment when she really needed you… still think it is a coincidence? The mind is able to travel to the past, live in the present and go to the future as unpredictable and uncertain the future is, you create your own outcomes in your mind, and whatever thoughts you have in a way end up affecting your future, (you cant be thinking about food all the time and end up the most healthiest human being), so our "time machine" so to speak is our minds. Back to the movie, we meet people who would change our lives but dismiss them or never think much of them, but every person you encounter, every situation you go through, every conversation, the music on the radio as you change channels, the topic you find yourself drawn to, changing the channel and finding something that deep down in your mind you have been searching for, that is not a coincidence.. What am I saying really? Treat every occasion/ moment as it were special, there is a reason why we don’t get to relive moments in life, there is a reason we only get one chance and would never really get the moment to be exactly the same. Live in the moment, be in the moment, enjoy it, don’t go through life as though you were rushing off somewhere, this is it, decide early in the morning that you are in charge of the day and you wont let anything affect you negatively, take it slow and learn to see the beauty in everything (now I sound like a therapist but you get my drift) Time is limited, or rather we are limited by time, time divides everything into different spheres and our bodies cannot at any given time transcend or move away from it, we live within the confinements of time, and we best make sure we take as much advantage of it as we possibly can.

I want to feel love. Love that transcends space and time, the kind of love that must have been written in the stars, the kind that the whole of eternity has been waiting for and when we meet the universe holds its breath for a second in awe, in envy. I want that love old people write about, I want that love that made angels fall for men, I want that love that will bring healing, that love that will bring me back to life, I want that love that is forbidden, the love that stories have been written about, books and scripts, because it is too special to lose, I want the kind of love that will make life worth living, I want the kind of love that is will be written about and told for generations to come “once upon a time there was…”. I thirst for it, I long for it, without it I feel imprisoned, without it I feel dead, without I feel I have not yet lived…. Resuscitate me. give me a chance. I want that love that will bring worlds together, the kind that will change the very reasoning and way of life. Lead me to that love, be my eternity, be my forever…. Make me feel like this soul that is I had a real reason for passing through this world, for what better reason could there have been? To come in to this world and not love, would be nothing but a shameless waste. This thirst that can’t be quenched by anything not even by water, I’m looking for a way in paths not yet trodden by man, I’m realizing the only way to live is in knowing the truth, nothing but the full honest truth. Love… it’s time you got here.

I can hear you, yes you were talking, not exactly to me but I heard you… You said I was……. And that I should……, so you see I heard you… The next time you pick up a brush and comb my hair, I want you to do it this way, not that way… The next time you decide to change my look, I want you to consider how I might have wanted it to look like…. Hello there, it is me… yes me, remember me? I've lost courage, I've lost hope… everyday, I sit here waiting for you to acknowledge me… My name is...... And I too have feelings… I had dreams, I had hopes, I had visions of what I wanted to do, I believed we had a good thing together, believed you loved me just as much as I loved you… You promised me the world, you said we would do magic together, you said we would chase our dream, that we were a match made in heaven, we were the perfect couple, infact "thee" couple…. Instead as time went, and as you met new people, as we grew… you changed your tune, you chose to disregard me, every time I wanted to spend time with you, you locked me up, when you saw your friends you were ashamed of me and instead of introducing me, you lied to them and gave them false information about me… remember the first day we met, the first time we laid eyes on each other... we thought nothing could be more perfect... Now you are sitting here all confused, looking for me and you wonder why you can't find me, maybe it is because of all the shattered dreams, all the lies you fed me, what about all the things I saw you do and thought I wouldn't know, that I wouldn't care… Hello there, it is me, yes me.... the person that lives inside of you… The next time you look at a mirror, take some time to notice me and acknowledge I am there… the next time you hear that little, tiny voice, know it is me... tried so hard to grab your attention, but when you see your friends you forget I'm even there... Hello there, it is me...... I am you! you are and therefore I am...

A place called nowhere...

So many expectations, so many philosophies, so much to say and yet no real facts… Everybody is talking, but no one is making sense… So much noise, and yet when there is silence, silence seems so loud… A place where everyone wants to be a somebody, everyone wants to die a hero and yet the streets need saving but no one is stepping up to the plate… Everyone wants their names written in stones, they wants memoirs and statues raised in their honor, men who cant spell the word honor want to be remembered for honor… ha ha. People display character or lack thereof on their sleeves, what we see in public is nothing but a sham, the real person that comes out when no one is looking, is nothing but a coward, a little boy that was told he would be nothing and because of this fear or this wound that never healed inflicts pain on the unsuspecting and feels like a man, a man? Really? Even a dwarf's shadow at some point looks taller depending on where the sun is resting… Everybody wants to be a hero, everybody wants poems, books, letters written about them, everybody wants a legacy, everybody wants their name to live on, everybody wants to be remembered, everybody wants to feel their purpose was fulfilled, and yet no one lives out their purposes…. Instead people are out there chasing money, chasing status, chasing fame, and in turn this chasing births greed and breeds false hopes and injured souls… souls of men, men who were born to run, men who were born to carry out instructions, straight from their mothers wombs to the world… What quenched your thirst for good, what made you so evil, what did you do? Do you know who looks back in the mirror? Are you sure that the little black pupils looking back are yours?…. Selah It seems when we are born, we exchange our souls, make a deal with the devil… you think you have the upper hand, and yet the devil sold you Chinese gold in exchange for your soul…. Slowly it chips away, the gold that once was, slowly chips away to reveal the nothingness that lies within… We are but empty shells, seeking rest, seeking revenge, seeking peace, seeking justice for all the injustice you think you experienced… You eat, you listen, you watch, you try so hard to fill this void, but it is just like a sponge or a pot full of holes, as you fill, it empties it itself out…. Stop! Stop for a second, look back..do you see these footsteps, do you see how far you've come? Do you see the path and the way you have covered? (pause) But… are you sure… are you sure this is the right way, look ahead… what do you see? There are neither stars ,nor moon, nor sun, nor anything that resembles the little God that you are and yet you persist on acting like an idiot… you are nothing but an impostor, you lied… this is treason, treason I say! Be careful for soon, the day comes to an end and the sun sets for all of us, and once it has set you cant bring it back.. Watch out for night, Night brings with it deception and much evil, be careful, for night has made illusions and given false promises to the poor bystanders who couldn't see the way… night approached and asked if she could help, and when you follow and agree to her terms, she reveals exactly who she is, a thousand dark knights that are possessed with death, death is the greedy bastard that is never full, bastard I say because it neither knows its father nor its mother, death has no name and so it takes and takes and takes until there is no more names left to take…. Well attest that is the plan Be careful of the sweet little innocent kids you see along the way, those that beg for bread and seem helpless, once you are close enough everything changes, the world is not what you think it is… they lied to you, I can't tell you the truth, I don’t know what it is.. But across mountains and valleys , in paths not yet trodden, in places no human eye has seen lies hope, lies integrity, lies wisdom, lies understanding… lies the TRUTH…. For a while you will see it and then you will see it no more, because every time there is light, there is always some greedy soul that wants to consume it…. If they made you, they will destroy you…

Why?

Yet another time I find myself at a crossroad, questioning motives, questioning why we exist, questioning life, the purpose, the meaning of it all… Make no mistake I know there is a God, I know all things work together for good, I know God knows the plans He has for us but I cant help questioning it all sometimes… Faced with news this morning that my favorite cousin is no longer, seeing her suffer didn't make things any better. I find myself questioning and the questions I have are God why didn't you stop all of this at Eden, after seeing that Adam failed, having known what would happen, why did you still allow all of this to happen, how did you allow any of this to go on? Violence, pain, rape, murder, wars, poverty, hunger, child trafficking, death… you knew it would happen but you still let it happen… I question a lot, that is how I'm wired, nothing makes sense to me until I know why… On a quest to find answers, to find out why, why all of this, what was the point of it all, why God, oh why didn't you stop this, you have power to changes it all in a second and yet to choose to trust us… why? …why

I'm sitting at my desk, the weather is awful, I just spilled coffee on my boss, and He is on his way to a meeting with a shirt that has coffee stains, I guess you could say it's a good day... But instead of worrying I'm sitting here wondering how the hell I'm going to get me a job in New York City in the Film industry, firstly everyone in New York wants to be in showbiz, secondly I'm all the way in South Africa, yes I know the world has become joined via web and cyber space but still... I feel like I'm already at a disadvantage before I've even begun... My dream is and always has been to make movies, if not starring in one then definitely behind the scenes... I'd like to think I've taken the right steps to bring myself closer to my dream, and what better way than to go to a place where the art is respected and taken so seriously, if I'm going to do something I need to do it big... That moment has come again where I just want to pack my bags, run and chase my dreams, but I'm a bit reluctant, perhaps the very thought of what stands before me should i pursue is what scares me... the hardwork, the fact that I will be exposing myself to the world, feeling naked, having to pull everything in me to try and make it happen, then my worst fear, what if I don't succeed, what if everything I do is in vain, what if in the end it isn't what I was meant to do or what I thought I wanted... I stand to lose more by staying, the very fact that everyday I feel like I'm not doing enough, that I'm standing by and watching other people live my life, that is more than I can bear... and so I brace myself, prepare for the journey ahead, with ambition, passion and most importantly God on my side, I prepare to conquer... New York City here I come... :)

All in a days work

I don't know what to call the day i had today... but i was in tears most of the time. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, Today I felt myself dying, literally.. felt the soul leave the body, a part of Me died. in that moment i left to come back not the same... Never in my life had i felt such pain, such stress, thought all of this was gone, thought i had left it all behind, but in true life style, lessons come and go only to go and come back... So many thoughts crossed my mind, what if I won the Lottery? What if I quit and became "umahlalela" wase Lok'shini? surely anything is better than this... What if i left work, got me a sugar daddy, atleast that would be easy money right? wrong... there is something about the kind of person I am, that no matter how tough a situation, I don't let go easily... God promised and I think it is only right, He should keep His promise... So even when the day's events have brought Me to my knees... I have no choice but to believe and trust... have no choice but to hold on and hope that tomorrow will be okay... For now I try my hardest to forget the events of the day, pretend everything is okay when it isn't in the hope that the Universe responds to positivity! isn't that what the "Experts" say? speak positive words into your life and the outcome will be positive... I don't know, had my fair share of problems... Think I could use a break... for now i have no choice, but to go and face the music.... Once again..

You cannot Outrun that which lives inside of You

We run all Our lives...
We run from all kinds of things, all kinds of people
We run from the truth, we run from lies
We live, we hope, we dare, we hide, we hope....
But the one thing that seems to always conquer is the fear...
It's true, ask them, ask them what prevented them from achieving and they will tell you it was the fear...
Graves hold the richest and the people who had the most potential but instead of freeing that which was in their hands they held on too tight...
Sad isn't it...
To think you could have achieved so much from this life...
It was always there you know, it was there starring at you. the possibilities, The dream, the ability... it's been here all along, it's been there from the start...
How can you run and think that you can outrun it...
How can you run away from you? Did you think you could leave it all behind? your dreams? your future? did you think it was possible...

Because the truth is you can Run, but you cannot outrun that which lives in the inside of You...
you can run as fast as a cheetah, but it will always catch up with you...
and the truth is it doesn't even run at your pace, it walks, because it too knows that eventually you will get tired and when you do it will be there right behind you waiting patiently....

Then what is the solution you may ask....

Embrace it, Love it... What am i talking about? .... Your dream, don't ever let it go... don't ever think you can outrun it... don't ever think you can hide from it, because it will always find you , lurking in some corner like a common criminal...

Find it, Love it, Embrace it....


I have spoken...

My side of things...

Guess one of the gifts that god gave Us in this life was not to know what the future holds, Life becomes so much more colorful that way...

But i cant help but feel so lost sometimes, cant help but feel like a stranger in my own life...

Wondering if I'm on the right track, if I'm doing even an inch of what I'm suppose to be doing...

Cant help but feel helpless at the best of times...

guess fear rules sometimes, yeah yeah i know... for i have not been given a spirit of fear but a spirit of a sound mind, of discipline right? yeah i know...

Cant help but feel a lot of things... cant help but want to fall in love, to find "the one", to have kids, to see life from another person's viewpoint...

there is so much more to life and yet we take it for granted... short as it is...

Sometimes i want to cry thinking about the "uncertainty"...

Cant help but feel that everyone who passes on, still had plans, still wanted to do so much more but never got the chance...

cant help but wonder if it were my day today, would heaven rejoice, or would they all look away, maybe at the waste that became my life, maybe at the death of the unseen potential...

I'm sitting in this very chair and cant help but wonder if there isn't so much more to this life than this.... God if you can hear Me, help Me to live, help Me to become every inch and ounce of what you wanted Me to be, help Me to number my days... help me to not become what i am now... Help me to be as you intended Me to be...

This journey is not easy, sometimes it gets so hard, but I need to believe there is more to what I'm doing. I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that "I AM" ....

Word

Many a times we lose focus and not to mention the reason why we do what we do…
As things progress we find ourselves in this rut, this mess, this maze and we don’t know how we got there and sad but we don’t know how to get out of it either…
We feel stuck, which leads to helplessness, then depression, we lose hope and we start doubting ourselves…
How can what made sense once upon a time be the very thing that causes me to want to run away, pack my bags and leave..
How can what you once thought was an answered prayer be the very reason you want to give, denounce God and deny His very existence…
I don’t have the answer, perhaps you do. All I know is we have the power to change situations, we have the power to become whatever it is we want out of life….
We have the ability, the resources, the mind, the heart to be anything we want to be in life, and if you no longer are passionate about the one thing you would have killed for in the beginning, it’s okay, you can just change it… but it begins with you
The power of life and the power of death lies in your very hands
Be brave, let go of your fears, and face it head on…
Greet your fear, shake hands with it and tell it, it is time you left, pack your things, pack your bag and leave…
Guess I understand why Beyonce finally said “to the left”
Half the time, what you fear never really happens, either way you will never really know till you leave that chair and dare to jump
After all it is your life and you cannot live it on the sidelines

Lie to me...

I don't want to lie, seeing you makes me feel weak, it makes me doubt my heart, my confidence, self and mind...

Cant believe how much I'm falling for you when we are just friends...
I hope soon i will stop liking you. Mind lie to me then, heart deceive Me..
Spirit! Soul tell me I'm wrong, tell me I'm hallucinating. tell me He's a bad guy and all wrong for me...

Someone... please lie to me...

Maybe then you should lie to me....

I just cant, I'm frustrated, I'm weak, I cant carry on liking you this way... wont last a minute... I'm slowly dying..

Maybe then i should lie to myself... somebody lie to me...

Jozi Traffic

Jozi Traffic has become so unbearable...

So here i was this morning, for the umpteenth time driving on the M1 and thinking to myself and swearing (yes traffic sort of does that to me).. when the car infront keeps on hitting the breaks every 5 seconds, it pushes my my high blood to another level...
"One never gets used to this", after all these years I should be used to this, but I'm not.
and so.. it got me thinking...

I don't think the solution to Our problem is to have more tollgates on the road, what that is going to create is more debt and more people using their credit cards to pay off totally unnecessary debt and still have a lot of cars. because the way I see it, if we had a choice we would not be driving... really, I don't think that we all willingly want to be stuck in traffic, to tell the truth there's a lot of us who would rather not drive at all and be driven to and from work...

maybe Our Government can concentrate on fixing our transport system first and then see what happens...
If we really had an infrastructure like Europe, London we would not need to buy cars. a car has become a necessity, it isn't a luxury.. we use them because there is no way I'm going to be in 4 taxis in the morning and have the taxi driver as rude as ever and stand in a queue at the Noord taxi rank that meanders all the way to the street, and by the time I'm in the front, I'm late for work...

so increasing cost to travel isn't going to change anything if not the price of rice in China...
cost of living has become ridiculously expensive in Johannesburg, over and above the tollgates, petrol price keeps on going up, car parts need to be replaced... you know there is a lot of things... a car is like a baby...
I guess at the end of the day, who looks out for us, who has our best interest at heart?

In my state of frustration and at the realization that my salary will stay the same while my cost of living goes up, I have to wonder what we as society can do to protect ourselves, to intervene and have a say, after all we are the ones that will have to pay at in the end.. where exactly do you get a "thousand rand extra" to pay for tollgates, a cost that I classify as "unnecessary"...

I just had to voice my opinion, because I'm truly frustrated.. .I don't see a way out, just more problems...

To be continued....

Crime

Soo much crime in this world, we read about all kinds of crime...
How can we not live in fear?
Crimes of passion - Dewani case, how do you really kill someone you love. crimes of recklessness - Jub Jub case, even though you didn't know what was going to happen, they still died, their families will forever relieve that horror. Crimes of hate - burning people because they are not local citizens, really? wait till you're the foreigner in their country; how would you like to be treated?
crimes that don't make sense - a person dying for a car, a wallet, or nothing at all, someone was high and decided to be trigger happy...
Damn i hate the person who created a gun, but then again other methods would have been soon discovered...
We live in these cages, emotional and spiritual prison..
Why do we live like this, poverty, rape, abuse.. the list goes on...
I die a million deaths everytime I see or hear of such things...
This world is not for people like ME, this world is full of hate... its too cruel..
cant take it anymore...
But what do we do? How do we make it right? Are we heading for some kind of Epic disaster, are we as "the human race" self destructive???
All the same... We fight every single day, whether you're awake or asleep, you're still fighting, there's no rest...
What about all of those who lost family members, loved ones through all kinds of ways... Are we really expected to just pick up the pieces and move on? act like nothing happened, like they were never there? no! I'm sorry.
I die over and over when I read about all these crimes.

I die over and over...

This door is closed for good...

Before I leave and walk away...
Before I open the door and leave for good...
I want you to know I always loved you, I cared...
Wish i could stay but the load has become to heavy to carry...
It's become too unbearable, I love you it is no joke...
For real, I'm serious, for you this is one of those things, for you its just another thrill, another conquest... just an affair, a trophy that stands high up there with the others... "been there, done that.. "
I've gone and lost myself too, gone and changed everything, silenced my conscience for you because i thought that was the best thing to do in that situation...
You didn't care then, you don't care now...
You're not the one who's lost, I did. lost my heart, lost myself, lost my mind, lost my conscience...
it is not worth it anymore, I'm tired... i cant carry it anymore...
and before i forget where i started.. I'm opening the door, taking my bag and my stuff, I'm leaving boo, I'm gone for good...
Take a good look at me, take a picture if you will because this is the last time you see this pretty face.. She is walking away...
She has become Her own person now... Like an ugly duckling morphing into a swan...
Keys in my hand, I'll slide them under the door, no need to get up...
I'm shutting the door for good, never to be opened..

throwing in the towel

I’ve been through a lot of things in my life…
Did it all, and thought can’t get any worse…
Thought I had it all figured out, Life that is…
I thought that if I did things my way, I will be ok….
I’ve soon come to realize that it doesn’t matter what you do or how good you think you are doing….
Sometimes, just sometimes Life comes and fucks things over… just when you think you’re OK, it comes and throws more stuff to confuse you and make things unbearable…
Truth is... I’m tired; I just can’t do this anymore… Life is like a schizophrenic freak, which can never make up His mind…
I can’t go on shielding blows, and with every blow I sink lower and lower…
I’m doing things I never thought I’d do, things I use to judge other people for and now its me….
I guess “in the same you will be judged” was no lie…
Save me from myself, end my misery, because I think I have had enough… can’t go on chasing papers anymore…
Life you’re a liar, promised if I stay positive and do things right, I would be successful, you lied…
Said if I keep at it, one day I will get there…. You lied.
My whole life I’ve tried the whole “be good and good will come to you”… I just can’t anymore…
If the law of Karma really works then I must have been really bad my past lifetime, I must have been despicable…
I just can’t I’m tired… I’m ready to throw in the towel…

Forbidden Fruit..

So many times I've fallen for these "bad boy" type of guys...
Cute face, irresistible smile, sexy eyes and a bod to die for...

But what do you do when the one time you don't want to fall, you do...
You know He ain't yours, you know He's taken but you just cant help, cant stay away...

In a past life He was your soulmate or maybe its in the coming life.. what do you do when the one thing you've been searching for your whole life is there, you find it in this one person... "The Connection"! You connect on all kinds of levels, all kinds of ways...

What do you do, do you fight or do you walk away? Do you follow your heart or do you listen to your mind and walk away?

I pose this question because my heart seems to be entangled to someone who can never be mine.. Mind says walk away, Heart says stay...

What would you do in my situation?

Love me or hate me..

Love me or hate me I'm here to stay... love me or hate me I never did you wrong.... you love what you don't have and hate the very thing you possess, is it because you cant stand to look at yourself in the mirror that you decide to judge me, you judge me for the sin you cant seem to forgive yourself for... your insecurities have gotten the better of you or the worst... your childhood, that dreadful past is finally catching up with you... love me or hate me I have nuthin against you, i don't even know you but you sit there and say "I don't know her but I just don't like her" or maybe "I don't like her she looked at my man like she wanted him" nigga please, get with the programme, your insecurities are playing with you... I most probably wasn't even looking but he'... my beauty is seen as a threat.... but that aint my problem, I was born this way... Love me or hate me I'm still me and I'm here to stay.... stare at me if you want, lie about me, hate me if you want what's the worst you can do... Love me or hate me really I'm here to stay....

My other.....

Since the beginning we were and till the end of time we will. I walk not alone, I walk with another soul, in my distress He carries me, In my sorrow He lifts me up, in my pride He humbles me. In my shame He glorifies me. He is... We walk in pairs, so close and so perfect, like a person and his shadow. He is my reflection, I cannot hate him because that would be hating myself, What He is I am and what He's not I still am. I inhale, He exhales, I close my eyes, He sees, I move He moves. Why you may ask because he is my reflection. In his weakness I am strong, When He falls I'll carry Him through, In his downfall I'll lift Him Up. Intertwined we are, like a rope, It's Him, God and I the trinity completed. I know now I never walked alone, nor do I walk alone now, We are woven together for all eternity, I'm his "Yin" He's my "Yang", For How can you know what white is if there was no black I would not be complete! How else would I know what imperfection is if only perfection existed? Slowly He is rising like the Phoenix from the ashes for there can only be one of him in a lifetime for each and everyone of us. I feel Him, I see him, a structure forming infront of my very eyes, The full picture to be presented when it is ready, for nothing rushed does anyone any good, anything taken from its process prematurely before maturity cannot fully function, it's useless for you never gave it time to morph, shape and cocoon itself out. Love is not rushed, it is waited for with patience.... Alas I wait with patience.....

Still I stand....

Here I am standing on the sand at the shore, barefeet and still....
Everything else seems to be moving around me yet still I stand, move do something but dont just stand there....
morning, night, in rain and in heat here I am standing, I cant feel anymore, I'm numb....
The sea brings out all kinds of thingz and takes it right back in but there I am standing, I cant move. all is moving and there I am standing...
Storms and all are passing me by, how can i not feel, How can I not care... How can I just stand here all calm when storms are coming my way.....
The waves are getting bigger, I can smell the sea water, the sky is getting darker and getting angrier, lightning and thunder, so violent.... and yet there I am standing! standing! move! do something! are you even alive???.... is this the after life??? Could this be what death feels like??? The sky will clear, the sky will smile again, the birds will glide by and sing, waves will be calmer and Still there I will stand.....
Still I stand....