I can hear you, yes you were talking, not exactly to me but I heard you… You said I was……. And that I should……, so you see I heard you… The next time you pick up a brush and comb my hair, I want you to do it this way, not that way… The next time you decide to change my look, I want you to consider how I might have wanted it to look like…. Hello there, it is me… yes me, remember me? I've lost courage, I've lost hope… everyday, I sit here waiting for you to acknowledge me… My name is...... And I too have feelings… I had dreams, I had hopes, I had visions of what I wanted to do, I believed we had a good thing together, believed you loved me just as much as I loved you… You promised me the world, you said we would do magic together, you said we would chase our dream, that we were a match made in heaven, we were the perfect couple, infact "thee" couple…. Instead as time went, and as you met new people, as we grew… you changed your tune, you chose to disregard me, every time I wanted to spend time with you, you locked me up, when you saw your friends you were ashamed of me and instead of introducing me, you lied to them and gave them false information about me… remember the first day we met, the first time we laid eyes on each other... we thought nothing could be more perfect... Now you are sitting here all confused, looking for me and you wonder why you can't find me, maybe it is because of all the shattered dreams, all the lies you fed me, what about all the things I saw you do and thought I wouldn't know, that I wouldn't care… Hello there, it is me, yes me.... the person that lives inside of you… The next time you look at a mirror, take some time to notice me and acknowledge I am there… the next time you hear that little, tiny voice, know it is me... tried so hard to grab your attention, but when you see your friends you forget I'm even there... Hello there, it is me...... I am you! you are and therefore I am...

A place called nowhere...

So many expectations, so many philosophies, so much to say and yet no real facts… Everybody is talking, but no one is making sense… So much noise, and yet when there is silence, silence seems so loud… A place where everyone wants to be a somebody, everyone wants to die a hero and yet the streets need saving but no one is stepping up to the plate… Everyone wants their names written in stones, they wants memoirs and statues raised in their honor, men who cant spell the word honor want to be remembered for honor… ha ha. People display character or lack thereof on their sleeves, what we see in public is nothing but a sham, the real person that comes out when no one is looking, is nothing but a coward, a little boy that was told he would be nothing and because of this fear or this wound that never healed inflicts pain on the unsuspecting and feels like a man, a man? Really? Even a dwarf's shadow at some point looks taller depending on where the sun is resting… Everybody wants to be a hero, everybody wants poems, books, letters written about them, everybody wants a legacy, everybody wants their name to live on, everybody wants to be remembered, everybody wants to feel their purpose was fulfilled, and yet no one lives out their purposes…. Instead people are out there chasing money, chasing status, chasing fame, and in turn this chasing births greed and breeds false hopes and injured souls… souls of men, men who were born to run, men who were born to carry out instructions, straight from their mothers wombs to the world… What quenched your thirst for good, what made you so evil, what did you do? Do you know who looks back in the mirror? Are you sure that the little black pupils looking back are yours?…. Selah It seems when we are born, we exchange our souls, make a deal with the devil… you think you have the upper hand, and yet the devil sold you Chinese gold in exchange for your soul…. Slowly it chips away, the gold that once was, slowly chips away to reveal the nothingness that lies within… We are but empty shells, seeking rest, seeking revenge, seeking peace, seeking justice for all the injustice you think you experienced… You eat, you listen, you watch, you try so hard to fill this void, but it is just like a sponge or a pot full of holes, as you fill, it empties it itself out…. Stop! Stop for a second, look back..do you see these footsteps, do you see how far you've come? Do you see the path and the way you have covered? (pause) But… are you sure… are you sure this is the right way, look ahead… what do you see? There are neither stars ,nor moon, nor sun, nor anything that resembles the little God that you are and yet you persist on acting like an idiot… you are nothing but an impostor, you lied… this is treason, treason I say! Be careful for soon, the day comes to an end and the sun sets for all of us, and once it has set you cant bring it back.. Watch out for night, Night brings with it deception and much evil, be careful, for night has made illusions and given false promises to the poor bystanders who couldn't see the way… night approached and asked if she could help, and when you follow and agree to her terms, she reveals exactly who she is, a thousand dark knights that are possessed with death, death is the greedy bastard that is never full, bastard I say because it neither knows its father nor its mother, death has no name and so it takes and takes and takes until there is no more names left to take…. Well attest that is the plan Be careful of the sweet little innocent kids you see along the way, those that beg for bread and seem helpless, once you are close enough everything changes, the world is not what you think it is… they lied to you, I can't tell you the truth, I don’t know what it is.. But across mountains and valleys , in paths not yet trodden, in places no human eye has seen lies hope, lies integrity, lies wisdom, lies understanding… lies the TRUTH…. For a while you will see it and then you will see it no more, because every time there is light, there is always some greedy soul that wants to consume it…. If they made you, they will destroy you…

Why?

Yet another time I find myself at a crossroad, questioning motives, questioning why we exist, questioning life, the purpose, the meaning of it all… Make no mistake I know there is a God, I know all things work together for good, I know God knows the plans He has for us but I cant help questioning it all sometimes… Faced with news this morning that my favorite cousin is no longer, seeing her suffer didn't make things any better. I find myself questioning and the questions I have are God why didn't you stop all of this at Eden, after seeing that Adam failed, having known what would happen, why did you still allow all of this to happen, how did you allow any of this to go on? Violence, pain, rape, murder, wars, poverty, hunger, child trafficking, death… you knew it would happen but you still let it happen… I question a lot, that is how I'm wired, nothing makes sense to me until I know why… On a quest to find answers, to find out why, why all of this, what was the point of it all, why God, oh why didn't you stop this, you have power to changes it all in a second and yet to choose to trust us… why? …why